Reciprocity, the DNA of All Relationships

https://www.speakingtree.in/article/reciprocity-the-dna-of-all-relationships

 

Reciprocity is undertaking exchange for mutual benefit. It may seem the most natural thing to do, but few realise that the wheels of society and more so diplomacy are driven by it. Some say diplomacy is 99% reciprocity and 1% generosity. Even in matters of faith, while it is logical that the supreme consciousness is neutral and loves all beings equally, still the belief is that if there is more display of devotion to the Lord, the Lord will be more kind to us. 

 Working together or exchanging services, people by reciprocating are able to accomplish more than they would individually. Reciprocity is not always an even exchange, which opens up the potential for abuse yet people are often willing to perform a proportionately larger favour in return for something small. In 1974, sociologist Phillip Kunz mailed out Christmas cards with a note and photograph of him and his family to approximately 600 randomly selected strangers. Kunz received nearly 200 replies. Reciprocity operated - Kunz had done something for them and many felt obligated to respond. 

 Our upbringing plays an important role in the internalisation of reciprocity. In school we happily share our tiffin with friends but not with the bully, who just takes and does not share. Through experience, children learn to share with others, take turns, and engage in reciprocal actions.

 Several types of reciprocity are recognised. Balanced reciprocitywhich involves a calculation of the value of the exchange and an expectation that the favour will be returned within a specified time frame is most common. It is essentially quid pro quo or you scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Car pools are a pragmatic application whereas wedding gifts are an extreme example. If reciprocation is inadequate it may lead to breakdown of relations. Politicians seek votes invoking reciprocity. In diplomacy, election of candidates in multilateral organisations is conducted by tying up reciprocal support amongst countries.  

 Generalised reciprocity or exchange involves give and take within families, friends, within and outside the kinship groups and also in the metaphysical world. There is no expectation of a returned favour; instead, people simply do something for another person based on the assumption that the other person would do the same thing for them. Generalised reciprocity is based on the acceptance of delayed gratification. Returns may not materialise at all but if it does it provides the greatest of benefits. It builds trust, loyalty and stability in society.

 

Our belief in karma is  internalisation of reciprocity. People live righteous lives for escaping the cycle of rebirth. If we behave well with people, others will also behave well operate in our daily interactions. Giving and getting women in marriage outside kinship groups sustains the institution of marriage, giving rise to family, the building block of society. So is philanthropy and charity. Uncertainties galore in these exchanges but faith in delayed and indirect reciprocity drives them.  

 These days even marketers are using sophisticated methods of reciprocity. They start by an innocuous freebie and then there may not be any going back. E-commerce, OTT platforms, Youtube, Spotify, Amazon, software package solutions providers such as Zoom among others give free subscriptions for a time period and then termination without cost. But since they keep credit card details, only the most rapacious will not continue.  

 Negative reciprocity where one takes more than gives back leads to societal decay. The saddest example of negative reciprocity is pollution and organised crime. For a vibrant society and healthy environment we have to be eternally vigilant and always question ourselves whether we are taking more than we are giving back to society and Mother Nature. 

                            

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