The Best Thing About Anupam Kher is Anupam Kher

Lessons Life Taught Me, Unknowingly: An Autobiography by Anupam Kher, A Review.

At best of times, reviewing a book is a challenge. There are several aspects to a book: literary style, story, language, choice of words and idiom, personal likes and dislikes of the reader among others. I remember years ago I was moved by the book 'Bridges of Madison County' by Robert James Waller. I thought to myself "what a nice little romantic story". I shared the book with a poet and writer colleague and encouraged him to read it. After reading he demolished it on technical grounds that it lacked the basic elements of a good story. It is too far removed in the past for me to remember what exactly those elements are, except that it lacked the characteristics of a good story. The challenge is more daunting when one attempts to review an autobiography, that too of a person whom one knows and respects. The challenge intensifies when the author himself has been rather candid and frank about his origins, struggles and failures of life and not pulled punches on many individuals who have crossed his path. 

I read Prathyush Parasuraman’s review of the book  in the Indian media. Personally I think Parasuraman has been harsh in judging the book on its literary merit. Kher doesn't have literary pretensions. He is candid throughout his narration that he was rather weak in studies, failed some of his exams and barely managed to pass the others with 38% marks. His lack of educational skills is more than compensated by his talent as an actor and his passion for living life, connecting to people, making friends and taking on new challenges. What is most impressive is his almost photographic memory which enables him to record his life's events. Also for a person who studied in Hindi medium to bring out a 432 page volume in English itself is very creditable. And LLTMU comes after the best selling "The Best Thing About You is You", Kher's first motivational book. He can be criticized for giving long names to his books (LLTMU & TBTAYY) but not for writing them. Also a balding, if not bald, wiry framed man without any pedigree in films, making it big in Indian cinema, is in itself a story worth telling and reading.  

Before we go ahead, a disclosure is in order. Since the last year or so, Kher has made New York his home. He has settled in comfortably into the professional and social milieu of this city and is now a frequent and inclusive part of New York's Indian-American social life. Consequently, I have interacted with him and learnt about him and his life. Reading his book now gives me an advantage in our future conversations. Also having spent five years of my youth in the Mandi House area, the cultural capital of Delhi, a place whose vicissitudes Kher describes vividly in his book, brings another area of coincidence in our lives, kindling my interest in reading LLTMU.

LLTMU to me is inspirational. It makes one believe in  'kuch bhi ho sakta hai! or 'anything can happen' as the author reminds us time and again. Belonging to a middle class background myself and with modest academic accomplishments, I am able to immediately and intrinsically connect to the protagonist and root for his success. The leitmotif of the book, that failures make a person and they are stepping stones to success is resounding and convincing. This message strings and ties the tales of the book. The author is often down but never out. He sustains and reinvents himself and this is his mantra for success which will inspire any reader. No wonder the book is dedicated to “those who dare to dream. And succeed!”

Kher has been through much in life. Coming from an extremely humble background with a joint family, he wasn't academically talented in the classical sense. Yet he had the innate theatrical talent of being able to act, mimic and sing. This sustained him in his childhood and he somehow seemed to know that if he had to make it in life, it had to be in the arts, dramatic arts. LLTMU therefore is a  compilation of a litany of failures faced by Kher but overcome by grit, determination and perseverance. 

The book is an extraordinary compendium of Kher's memories. He remembers every minute detail from his childhood and later in life. As he himself says, he has a photographic memory. It's not that he has maintained a daily diary but has captured every event in his memory.  Kher remembers Garcia Marquez who said "life is not what one lived, but what one remembers and how one remembers to recount it.'' There aren't many like Kher who can recount life so vividly, every detail, every vicissitude. As he says himself in the beginning "I had a joyful childhood mainly because many of my relatives were an unusual lot- comical characters.....for me, not only my family members, but also my neighbours, my friends and my teachers, were all akin to comic book characters". He has wonderfully captured these characters in LLTMU.

Truly, the book is about persons and personalities. To put it upfront straight and simple, and I told the author so, the most enjoyable part of the book is the description of the tales of the persons who has touched his life in the formative years, his family and friends who have sculpted his personality and value system. Standing tall here is Kher's grandfather Amar Nath Kher who has had transcendental  impact on his personality, value system and moral compass. His pithy yet telling advice to Kher "bhiga hua aadmi baarish se nahin darta" distills the advice of many self-help motivational books into just one simple phrase. One easily likes this part as one relates to them and one roots for the young, poor but ambitious Kher to succeed. This extends from his childhood days in Shimla, to his days at theater school in  Chandigarh, drama school in Delhi, and the relentlessly difficult days in Mumbai till Saaransh happens. And Indian cinema is all the more richer that Saaransh happened. It needed to happen for Kher to emerge and it needed to happen for Indian cinema and for Mahesh Bhatt to make it. Saaransh so wonderfully transcended the space between commercial films and art films. For obvious reasons Saaransh made Kher what he is. And for his part, Kher gave everything he had to the character of B.V. Pradhan, one of the most unforgettable characters in Indian cinema. It doesn't seem to be an exaggeration that Kher rates the scene where Pradhan goes to collect the mortal remains of his son to the Customs office, as perhaps one of the ten best scenes of Indian cinema. 

One can easily to divide the book into three parts of Kher’s life, pre Saraansh, his success post Saraansh and life after success. The pre Saraansh stage is middle class, disappointments, failures, fun, humour, escapades, crushes, love, idiosyncrasies in his immediate families among other earthy tales. When Kher describes his family members, friends, lovers, and  teachers, they come to life in an incredible yet natural way. Kher owes a lot to his family and friends and says very clearly that his stable childhood taught him above all that it is family that he treasures the most. He has inseparable bonds with many including his mother Dulari, brother Raju and friends. Friends stand out in the book, be it Nav Prakash Parihar who shared his school lunch with him or Vijay Sehgal his best friend over half century whose only solution to all the problems of the world is eating food, and Anil Kapoor and Satish Kaushik in the Mumbai part of his life. The romantic interludes in school also come out in a heartwarming way particularly the author’s disastrous first kiss which landed in the girl’s ear. 
Kher's relationship with his wife Kirron and her son Sikander also stands out. There is great deal of affection and respect in the relationship. The author succinctly describes the relationship when he says "we are the epitome of the modern family, each pursuing his or her own dreams-connected by our relationship but free to blossom and flourish". Perhaps even here there is a message for modern professional ambitious couples on how to make their marriages successful.

It’s quite unbelievable how despite having a flair for theater, Kher couldn’t land the job of an announcer in All India Radio due to stammering and stuttering with his first announcement. Luckily for all he failed there. Similar meltdown is seen later when he auditioned for the role of Nehru in front of Richard Attenborough. One wonders what seized him then? He doesn't explain. 

One can also easily relate to familial characters Kher describes as such people exist in our own lives as well. Rarely have I laughed out loud reading a book or re-read a piece aloud for the benefit of my family members. Yes! LLTMU is quite a gag bag. I can even sniff a film or a mini series script lurking somewhere in this part. Some of the characters such as Kakaji who was worried about losing hair so “he  resorted to a curious fix for fighting nature's way: every night, Kakaji used to sleep with a comb, mirror and hair spray under his pillow and in the middle of the night, he'd get up, adjust his hair, and sleep peacefully thinking this was doing him a service for his scalp!”. The author's father Pushkar Nath Kher and his superstitious nature brings many a smile to the reader. The anecdote about the 'Bread & Bun Man' is truly hilarious and one can visualize the father with his eyes closed stepping on people’s hands and toes and opening the door so that he can see the lucky face of the bread seller. Yet even Kher's father whom he describes as a 'simple man of simple wisdom' gave him profound lessons, lessons I believe every father should give their children.  Treating the son to a hearty meal when the son had failed the matriculation examination is a rare display of fine character in a man. That evening Kher learnt his most precious lesson from father Pushkar Nath Kher that "failure is an event, not a person". This has kept Kher in good stead. Even his mother Dulari, whom we see and know from Kher's videos, is an archetype of an Indian mother, strict yet loving and a bundle of fun. That she'd escape to a temple when angry with the family members and then need the coaxing of Kher's brother Raju to come back home is cute and funny. Dulari’s strictness with Anupam Kher is with reason, she did not want her son to become just like the others in her big family. She wanted him to rise and be different and make it in life.  

Interestingly, Anupam Kher is not the only person who had a tryst with failures in the family. His uncle Dwarka Nath Kher who lived under the same roof  failed seven times in the eight grade and was promoted to ninth grade on 'compassionate' grounds as his classmates had started calling him Uncle. 

The book has an underlying emphasis on values. One is touched by Kher’s respect and affection for his Gurus- be it Balwant Gargi in Chandigarh, or Alkazi Saab in NSD and then of course Mahesh Bhatt in Mumbai. They have had a lasting impact on his life and made him yearn and strive for bigger scenarios in life and on the stage. His belief that if we keep making space for everyone else, on stage and in life, we will never make space for ourselves, comes through again and again and is perhaps a good mantra to emulate for all aspirants. 

Cutting the act to Mumbai, Kher’s real Karmabhoomi, the personalities or the characters appear distant. They are stars in the real sense of the term. Good from afar. One is not able to visualize them in flesh and blood. Nonetheless one gets to know them in vivid detail as not much is written about our larger than life film personalities. One only gets to read gossip about them, some of which is self generated to create a buzz about them or their films. In LLTMU one gets a ring side view, knowing how they are in real life, how they behave and how they relate to their colleagues. Reading about Dilip Kumar and Raj Kumar and their idiosyncrasies is fascinating. One wonders which other profession can be so accommodating? While Kher describes the world of cinema in Mumbai to be cruel and merciless, yet he owes his success to the kindness and generosity of several persons starting from Mahesh Bhatt, Yash Chopra to Sooraj Barjatya among others. As this is the nature of life everywhere, Mumbai and its film world is no exception, yet one childishly yearns the world of make of believe to be different. 

It is sad to learn that his relationship with Mahesh Bhatt, whom Kher quite unabashedly calls his guru, mentor and person who made him in Mumbai, has soured and is today at best cool. Kher blames the estrangement on ideological differences but remains unflinching in his admiration of this mentor. Here again one can glimpse a very admirable character of Kher. He owes his success to several persons and gurus and is unselfish in his praise of others be it Balwant Gargi at the Chandigarh acting school, Amal Allana and his many teachers at NSD. Ibrahim Alkazi whom he calls as the emperor of theater and then Mahesh Bhatt in Mumbai. Kher is unabashed in heaping praise whether it is on David Dhawan, Subhash Ghai or Sooraj Barjatya or his Hollywood idols starting with Robert de Niro. He is even sentimental about Datta Sawant or Datto as we know him, the little boy who started first with Suresh Oberoi and has been a steadfast companion of Kher since then. 

I believe that more than the anecdotes the book is about lessons. How to keep going when the odds are against you. How not to be deterred by failure. The way Kher embraces failure time and again and picks up the threads is the greatest takeaway of reading the book.  One can pick up several lessons for live and internalize them. The book is truly all about Anupam Kher and that’s the best part of it.

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